THINK LIKE A MONK – JAY SHETTY
In this book, Shetty shares his experiences and wisdom gained from his time living as a monk, offering insights and practical advice on applying monkhood principles to everyday life. Through personal anecdotes, ancient teachings, and modern psychology, Shetty guides readers on a journey of self-discovery, mindfulness, and fulfillment. The introduction sets the stage for the transformative journey that awaits readers, inviting them to embrace a monk-like mindset to find peace, purpose, and happiness in their lives.
PART 1: LET GO
I. IDENTITY
Charles Horton Cooley’s quote, “I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am,” sheds light on how our identity is shaped by the perceptions of others. This idea is explored further, highlighting how we often shape our self-image based on what we believe others think of us. Our efforts at self-improvement are often driven by trying to meet these imagined ideals.
The concept of method acting, exemplified by Daniel Day-Lewis’s immersive preparation for roles, illustrates how individuals can become so absorbed in their roles that they lose sight of their true selves. Similarly, in everyday life, we often adopt different personas in various settings, losing sight of our authentic selves in the process.
The pressure to conform to societal expectations, as exemplified by the author’s decision to become a monk despite familial and societal pressures, highlights the challenges of staying true to oneself amidst external influences. However, by reflecting on personal experiences and values, individuals can navigate these pressures and live authentically.
The text emphasizes the importance of filtering out external influences to uncover one’s true values and beliefs. By creating space for reflection and actively evaluating how time, money, and media consumption align with personal values, individuals can live more authentically.
Finally, the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive communities that align with personal values is emphasized. By consciously choosing relationships and environments that nurture personal growth and authenticity, individuals can live more fulfilling lives.
II. NEGATIVITY
Jay Shetty highlights how negativity can pervade our daily lives, from small irritations like bad hair days to larger issues like gossip and social media trolling. It suggests that negativity often stems from fears related to our core emotional needs: peace, love, and understanding. Negative behaviors, like complaining and criticizing, can be contagious, spreading from person to person.
There are various types of negative people, such as complainers, critics, and controllers, and offer strategies for dealing with them. These include becoming an objective observer, limiting time spent with negative individuals, and resisting the urge to “save” others from their negativity.
Additionally, the passage emphasizes the importance of addressing internal negativity by being mindful of our thoughts and words. It suggests techniques like spotting negative impulses, stopping them, and swapping them out for more positive alternatives. By cultivating empathy, compassion, and mudita (joy in others’ success), individuals can counteract negativity and contribute to a more positive environment.
The journey from anger and revenge to forgiveness highlights its various levels. Initially, when we’re stuck in anger, we may seek revenge, but this often backfires, leaving us in more pain. Moving beyond revenge, we find conditional forgiveness, which hinges on apologies or promises. However, true transformational forgiveness comes from a place of strength and calmness, where we forgive without expecting anything in return. The highest level, unconditional forgiveness, is rare but incredibly powerful.
Forgiveness brings peace of mind and has proven health benefits, including reduced stress and better physical health. Both giving and receiving forgiveness foster healthier relationships. A practical exercise is provided to facilitate forgiveness, involving writing a letter of forgiveness and acknowledging one’s own shortcomings.
Forgiveness is a two-way street; it’s essential to both forgive and seek forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves is also crucial for emotional healing, accepting our imperfections, and moving forward.
The pinnacle of forgiveness is wishing well for those who have caused us pain, freeing ourselves from negativity. Negativity is addressed as a natural but potentially harmful aspect of life, urging us to understand its origins and manage it mindfully. By focusing less on others and more on ourselves, we can cultivate positivity and healing.
III. FEAR
Jay Shetty learned to embrace fear as a signal rather than a hindrance in his time as a monk. Instead of being controlled by fear, he learned to recognize it as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Like the wind strengthens trees, facing fear can make us stronger. Fear can be productive if we learn to understand it and use it to align our actions with our values and goals.
Scientists discovered in an experiment with Biosphere 2 that wind was essential for the health of trees, just as challenges and stressors are essential for our growth. Climber Alex Honnold’s success in free solo climbing El Capitan illustrates how facing fear through preparation and practice can lead to remarkable achievements.
The stress response, while vital for survival, can become detrimental if triggered too frequently. Learning to manage stressors and view them as challenges rather than threats can lead to better health and a sense of accomplishment.
The author emphasizes the importance of working with fear by first acknowledging its presence and then identifying and challenging our patterns of response to it. By accepting fear and understanding its source, we can transform it from a negative force into a tool for personal development.
Detachment from our fears involves recognizing that fear is not a permanent part of us but rather a passing experience. By understanding our attachments and accepting the impermanence of life, we can alleviate the power of fear over us.
Short-term fears can be managed by using techniques like controlled breathing to calm the mind and body. Long-term fears, such as burying or avoiding them, require confronting them directly and reframing them as opportunities for growth.
Ultimately, fear can either motivate us towards our goals or limit us if we let it control us. By understanding and harnessing our primary motivators, including fear, we can lead more fulfilling lives.
IV. INTENTION
The Hindu philosopher Bhaktivinoda Thakura identifies four fundamental motivations that drive our actions: fear, desire, duty, and love. Fear motivates us to seek safety and security, but it’s not sustainable in the long term. Desire pushes us towards personal gratification, but it often leads to a pursuit of external measures of success that don’t guarantee happiness. Duty and love, however, offer more meaningful paths. When we act out of duty or love, we find purpose and fulfillment, recognizing that our actions have value beyond personal gain.
To live intentionally, we must understand the deeper reasons behind our desires and motivations. By asking ourselves why we want something and what intentions drive us, we can uncover our true priorities and values. This monkish approach encourages us to move beyond surface-level desires and pursue goals that align with our deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.
The importance of clarifying our intentions in life, using the analogy of seeds and weeds. Seeds represent positive intentions like love and compassion, while weeds symbolize negative intentions rooted in ego, greed, or envy. The text emphasizes the need to cultivate positive intentions and remove negative ones.
It also discusses how external goals may not fulfill internal needs, using examples like going to the gym for revenge versus personal growth. The passage suggests that living intentionally means aligning actions with values, and it encourages reflecting on the “why” behind our goals.
Furthermore, it highlights the significance of doing the internal work required to achieve our intentions, rather than focusing solely on external outcomes. The text suggests creating a “to-be” list alongside a to-do list to align actions with intentions.
Role models are presented as guides for understanding the work required to fulfill intentions, emphasizing the importance of embracing the journey rather than just the destination. The passage concludes by discussing meditation and breathwork as tools for self-reflection and aligning with one’s intentions, even in the face of discomfort or challenges.
PART 2: GROW
V. PURPOSE
The concept of Varnas categorizes people into four archetypal roles: Guides, Leaders, Creators, and Makers. These roles aren’t limited to specific professions but encompass a range of activities based on individual inclinations and skills. Each Varna operates within three gunas or modes of behavior: ignorance, impulse, and goodness.
Creators are driven by innovation and making things happen. They excel in fields like marketing, sales, and entrepreneurship, thriving on challenges and driven by success. They operate in various modes, from corruption in ignorance to ethical innovation in goodness.
Makers, on the other hand, are the implementers and supporters, embodying skills in practical professions like engineering, nursing, or cooking. They operate from stability and security in goodness, experimenting in impulse, or feeling stuck in ignorance.
Guides, historically teachers or mentors, focus on learning and sharing knowledge. They value wisdom over material gains and seek to help others find fulfillment. In different modes, they may struggle with implementation or excel in intellectual pursuits.
Leaders, originally kings or warriors, possess governing and inspiring skills, leading movements or teams with courage and determination. They operate from higher morals and values, though they may falter in corruption or become driven by short-term gains in impulse.
Understanding one’s Varna helps focus on strengths and inclinations, leading to fulfillment and effectiveness. The Vedic Personality Test aids in identifying one’s Varna, but it’s up to individuals to test and refine their understanding through exploration and reflection.
Living one’s Dharma, or purpose, involves aligning with one’s Varna across various aspects of life, finding joy and fulfillment in activities that resonate with one’s true nature. Embracing Dharma requires listening to one’s heart, paying attention to how activities feel in the body, and aligning with a sense of positivity, growth, and comfort.
While protective instincts or past beliefs may hinder embracing Dharma, recognizing and defending it leads to stability and peace. Stretching one’s Dharma involves expanding its range while staying true to its essence, leading to personal growth and meaningful contributions to society.
Dharma evolves with individuals, leading to transformative experiences like those of Joseph Campbell or Emma Slade, who found fulfillment by aligning with their true nature and serving others. Like the lotus flower rising from the mud, life’s challenges can provide fertile ground for personal development and fulfillment when aligned with Dharma.
VI. ROUTINE
The idea of waking up an hour earlier might sound daunting at first, especially if you already feel short on sleep. But consider this: starting your day with more time can set a positive tone that ripples through your entire day.
Think about your typical morning rush—barely enough time for showering, breakfast, and getting out the door. Rushing sets a stressful tone for the day, affecting everything from work to conversations. By waking up earlier, you gift yourself time to move through tasks with intention and care.
Many successful individuals, like Tim Cook and Richard Branson, swear by early mornings for productivity. However, it’s crucial to prioritize sleep too. Jeff Bezos emphasizes getting enough rest for optimal performance. So, if an hour earlier seems impossible, start small and adjust gradually.
Creating a morning cushion allows for more intentional living and sets a positive tone for the entire day. It’s not about a specific wake-up time, but about having enough time to complete tasks thoroughly. By stealing time from morning sleep, you give yourself a gift that pays off throughout the day.
Try this: Ease into waking up earlier by starting with just 15 minutes earlier each week. Use gentle alarms and quiet activities to set a calm tone. Gradually extend your wake-up time to create a meaningful morning routine.
Once you’ve carved out morning time, cherish it. Use it for gratitude, insight, meditation, and exercise—a routine that spells out T.I.M.E. Visualize your ideal morning to set intentions and align your day with positivity.
Remember, evening routines shape morning routines. Establish a restful evening routine to prepare for a productive morning. Set goals the night before and simplify morning decisions by planning your outfit and tasks ahead of time.
Embrace routines but also seek novelty within them. Spot something new in familiar surroundings, savor each moment, and inject freshness into daily life. Appreciate the sacredness in everyday activities, from washing dishes to enjoying a cup of tea.
Ultimately, waking up earlier isn’t just about gaining time—it’s about reclaiming control of your day and infusing it with intention and joy.
Consistency in time and space can greatly aid in forming and maintaining habits. Doing something at the same time every day, like going to the gym or practicing yoga, helps embed the activity into our routine. Similarly, designating a specific location for a particular task creates a mental association, making it easier to engage in that activity.
Single-tasking, or focusing on one task at a time, is crucial for productivity and cognitive performance. Multitasking actually diminishes our ability to concentrate and remember information. Creating “no tech” zones and times, like avoiding technology in the bedroom or during meals, can help foster single-tasking habits. Even mundane tasks like brushing teeth or showering can be done with full attention, enhancing the experience and efficacy.
Immersion in an activity leads to mastery and deeper understanding. When starting a new skill or habit, dedicating focused time to it initially accelerates progress. Monks exemplify this immersive approach with their silent lunches and lengthy meditations. By prioritizing one change at a time and committing fully to it, we can achieve greater success.
Deep focus not only improves productivity but also enhances well-being by reducing dopamine-driven distractions. Engaging in immersive experiences, such as meditation or creative endeavors, leads to a sense of fulfillment and contentment. Quick, superficial attempts at practices like meditation may yield limited results, while dedicated, immersive sessions bring more profound benefits over time.
In essence, the key to effective habit formation and skill development lies in consistency, single-tasking, and immersive engagement. By aligning our actions with specific times and places, focusing on one task at a time, and immersing ourselves fully in meaningful activities, we can cultivate habits that enrich our lives and promote personal growth.
VII. THE MIND
The mind is often compared to a restless monkey, jumping from one thought to another, driven by past experiences and future expectations. We generate thousands of thoughts daily, but our minds are rarely fully present, constantly predicting and reacting based on past and future concerns.
In various ancient texts like the Hitopadeśa and the Dhammapada, the importance of understanding and training the mind is emphasized. Like a child and a parent, the mind often engages in internal conflicts, influencing our decisions and behaviors.
The analogy of the mind as a chariot driven by five horses represents our senses, which can lead us astray if not controlled by our intellect. Shaolin monks and other practitioners demonstrate how sensory control through meditation and discipline can lead to inner calm and resilience.
Our subconscious plays a significant role in shaping our thoughts and behaviors, often leading us to repeat patterns that may not serve us well. By becoming aware of these patterns and actively reshaping our thoughts, we can transform our lives and achieve greater fulfillment.
Ultimately, mastering the mind requires cultivating awareness, discipline, and the ability to choose our thoughts consciously. By nurturing a positive and empowering inner dialogue, we can overcome obstacles and lead more fulfilling lives.
The importance of recognizing that we are not defined by our thoughts, especially the self-defeating ones that often linger from past experiences. It emphasizes the need to actively rewire our mindset to break free from negative patterns that hold us back.
One method suggested is to engage in positive self-talk by literally talking to ourselves out loud. This can help shift our focus, enhance concentration, and boost memory. Reframing negative thoughts into positive affirmations and focusing on progress rather than failures can also be powerful tools for self-improvement.
Staying present and detached from negative emotions and attachments is emphasized as well. By observing our thoughts without judgment and refraining from being consumed by past regrets or future worries, we can find peace and clarity in the present moment.
The concept of detachment through various practices such as fasting, silence, and limiting technology use. These practices help strengthen our resolve, increase self-awareness, and cultivate resilience in facing life’s challenges.
Ultimately, the message is about taking control of our minds, nurturing self-compassion, and actively working towards a positive mindset to lead a fulfilling life.
VIII. EGO
Our egos can lead us astray in many ways, from presenting false versions of ourselves to judging others unfairly. When we let our egos run unchecked, we risk harming ourselves and others, and we miss out on opportunities for growth and connection. It’s important to strive for humility and self-awareness, recognizing that we are all human and prone to mistakes. By acknowledging our limitations and embracing our true selves, we can foster deeper connections with others and lead more fulfilling lives.
“HUMILITY: THE ELIXIR OF THE EGO” teaches us that humility is about seeing ourselves clearly, and recognizing both our strengths and weaknesses. Like Brahma realizing his insignificance compared to the universe, we must acknowledge our small part in the grand scheme of things.
Practicing humility involves remembering our imperfections, being grateful for kindness, and letting go of achievements. It empowers us to accept failure without losing sight of our potential for success, just as Sara Blakely did.
True greatness lies not in accolades, but in using our achievements to serve others. Kailash Satyarthi’s humility reminds us of this. Let’s strive for humility as a journey toward understanding ourselves and our place in the universe.
PART 3: GIVE
IX. GRATITUDE
Gratitude has a profound power to transform our lives. By embracing a mindset of thankfulness, we can significantly improve our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Here’s how you can integrate gratitude into your daily life and experience its many benefits.
First, take a moment to look inward and recognize the blessings in your life. By appreciating your own experiences and achievements, you prepare yourself to engage with others more positively and appreciatively. This self-awareness is the foundation for a grateful mindset.
True gratitude goes beyond saying “thank you” or using hashtags on social media. It’s about deeply valuing what you have, regardless of its monetary worth. This genuine appreciation helps you remain open to new opportunities and cultivates a positive outlook on life.
Research shows that gratitude can significantly improve mental health, relationships, and overall fulfillment. Keeping a gratitude journal, for example, can reduce stress and improve sleep. These tangible benefits underscore the importance of making gratitude a daily habit.
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to negative emotions like jealousy and bitterness. Focusing on what you’re thankful for triggers the release of dopamine in your brain, creating a positive feedback loop that encourages you to find even more reasons to be grateful.
Gratitude is especially valuable during tough times. It helps you uncover positive aspects in challenging situations, promoting personal growth and resilience. By appreciating small victories and lessons learned, you can navigate through adversity with a stronger spirit.
Gratitude also has physical health benefits. It reduces stress-related inflammation and encourages healthier behaviors, leading to overall better physical well-being.
Make gratitude a part of your daily routine with simple practices. Start your day with a morning gratitude exercise, express thankfulness during meals, and end the day with a moment of reflection or meditation. These habits set a positive tone for your day and night.
View setbacks as opportunities and combine gratitude with acts of kindness. Recognize the efforts others make on your behalf and respond with your own acts of kindness. This approach fosters a supportive and appreciative environment.
Regularly expressing gratitude to others in specific and meaningful ways strengthens your relationships and enhances your sense of well-being. This creates a positive feedback loop where appreciation leads to more appreciation.
Participate in acts of service to deepen your sense of gratitude. Helping others provides perspective on your own blessings and fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Volunteering can be a powerful way to realize how much you must be thankful for.
By integrating these practices into your life, you can develop a mindset of gratitude that enhances your happiness, resilience, and overall well-being. Embrace gratitude, and watch as it transforms your perspective and enriches your life.
X. RELATIONSHIPS
Growing up often means realizing that our family may not fulfill all our needs. It’s okay to accept what we get from them and protect ourselves from those who aren’t good for us. We can love and respect them from a distance while finding support from others.
When we enter new communities, we don’t need to replicate our family dynamics. Instead, we can see everyone as part of our family, extending this feeling to people worldwide. This broader perspective fosters a sense of connection and compassion.
People come into our lives for various reasons: a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Recognizing these categories helps us appreciate the roles others play and understand that not all relationships are meant to last equally.
Trust is vital in every relationship, but it’s earned over time. Different levels of trust exist, from neutral to pure, and understanding where someone falls on this spectrum helps manage expectations.
By being intentional about our relationships, we can deepen existing bonds and build new ones. This involves understanding our motivations for connection and focusing on emotional and spiritual compatibility rather than superficial qualities.
In relationships, the focus should be on quality rather than quantity. Spending time together is valuable, but what truly matters is the depth of connection and the energy you invest in each other. This means being fully present and attentive during the time you share, rather than just physically being there. Just like a monk shows love through presence and attention, we can prioritize energy management over time management in our relationships.
To implement this, try “Handcuff Attention Thieves” by setting boundaries on distractions like phones and screens during quality time together. Additionally, practice the “Six Loving Exchanges” which involve giving and receiving in various ways like gifts, conversation, and acts of service. These exchanges promote generosity, gratitude, and mutual growth in relationships.
Furthermore, remember that understanding yourself is key to finding fulfilling relationships. Know what you truly need and want in a partner, and communicate openly about it. And if you’re experiencing heartbreak, embrace your emotions, learn from the situation, and believe in your worth before jumping into a new relationship. By following these principles, you can cultivate deeper connections and keep love alive in your life.
XI. SERVICE
The planting of trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit is profound and translates into a fundamental truth: the highest purpose in life is to live in service to others. When we embrace a mindset of service, we align ourselves with a universal principle observed in nature itself—everything in nature serves. From the sun providing warmth to trees offering shade, the essence of existence is service.
Living in service isn’t just about grand gestures or dedicating every waking moment to others; it’s about integrating service into our daily lives, no matter our circumstances. We can serve in any situation, whether we’re musicians, coders, entrepreneurs, or anything else. The key is to recognize opportunities to serve in our everyday interactions and activities.
Service benefits both the giver and the receiver. It connects us, amplifies gratitude, increases compassion, and builds self-esteem. Studies even show that pursuing compassionate goals reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression. Ultimately, service is a reciprocal exchange—a recognition of our shared humanity and a manifestation of active empathy.
But service isn’t about expecting something in return; it’s about giving freely and unconditionally. Whether we’re helping a friend move, volunteering at a local charity, or simply offering a kind word to someone in need, every act of service contributes to a more meaningful life—for ourselves and others.
CONCLUSION
The journey through this book has been one of discovery and introspection. It’s not about finding a perfect path or expecting everything to fall into place magically. Life will continue to throw curveballs, but it’s how we respond that matters. The essence lies in training our minds to navigate through challenges, to find clarity amidst chaos, and to remain focused on our intentions.
Meditation, as suggested by the Monk Method, serves as a powerful tool to cultivate this mental fortitude. It’s not about immediate perfection but about consistent practice. Through meditation, we gain insights into ourselves, develop a deeper awareness of our thoughts and actions, and gradually attain a sense of mastery over our lives.
Reflecting on death might seem morbid, but it offers profound insights into living purposefully. By envisioning our mortality, we gain clarity on what truly matters, what we wish we had done differently, and how we want to be remembered. This awareness motivates us to live authentically, to pursue our aspirations, and to leave a positive impact on the world.
In essence, the Monk Method isn’t a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s a lifelong journey of self-discovery, growth, and service. By adopting a mindset of continuous learning and mindful action, we can navigate life’s complexities with grace and purpose, making every moment count. So, as you embark on your own path, remember to ask yourself: What would a monk do? And let that guide you towards your truest self.
